Testing day

        So, today is CD 29/ DPO 10. The day I originally told myself I would test. I started to get really hopeful last night because the cramps went away and I felt great. I woke up this morning and my temp had risen again, my face started to clear up, the cramps were still gone and AF wasn't here. I raced to the bathroom to POAS and I got excited because I thought I saw the faintest of all faint lines. I was just staring at it and I decided to dip another stick to make sure it wasn't just an evap line since it was close to the time limit. The first was a generic "one-step" hpt off of amazon. The second was a wondfo(also from amazon). I trust wondfo more than the super cheap hpt from who knows where. The wondfo came up stark white. I felt so disappointed.

My  crap-tastic chart.

        I just sat on the steps for a minute with my head in my hands because I didn't want to see Mr. Craftsy all bright and cheerful this morning while I was disappointed. I wanted to collect my thoughts and give myself a stern pep talk. He must have heard the stairs creek because he walked around the corner and saw me sitting there. He came up and sat down next to me and said "What's up? Why are you just sitting here, babe?" I told him it was a BFN and he just put his arm around me and said, "You're not out until you get it(AF). Even if she does come, we can always have fun trying again next month." He smiled at me, kissed my cheek and I felt so much better. Hearing that from him made me feel so lucky to be married to him. I just really appreciated the support.

         Now as I am sitting here typing this out, I am mad that I let myself get all worked up and excited over not feeling like AF was coming. I'm also irritated that it's 11:00 pm and AF has yet to make her appearance. I'm stressed out studying for my Microbiology test on Friday and now the cramps are back. I know TTC can be a mindfuck, I just didn't think I would be caught up in it so fast. I was deliberately trying to rationalize any symptoms and ignoring anything out of the ordinary so I could minimize my disappointment. That way I wouldn't obsess over every little thing. Apparently, I can not stop or rationalize away the roller coaster of emotions that comes with TTC. I guess I better find more distractions then. You know, like studying for this stupid test. =/ I guess I better get back to it.
 
                                               A perfect video to end my blog post today: